I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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