Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
