I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Randomize
