i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
