After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
this beer tastes like vomit already
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
