Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize