Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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