I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
