i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Do you have feelings for this penis?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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