remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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