You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
