she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
