OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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