Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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