"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
