You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm going to jail i love you
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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