just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
