I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
