I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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