She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
