I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
