I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
