I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
