this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
