I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
