Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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