The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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