just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
