believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
