He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
