I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
