we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you would pick up someone in the library
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Couch. On fire.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
