he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
