Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
