Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
