I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
