with your own penis?
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
