dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
