the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
