I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
