I think I just saw someone hide a body.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
