Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
