Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
tell me about the fingering
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