Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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