She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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