it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
