I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
