I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
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