Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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