Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I'm really busy with my period
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
