So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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