I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
