So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
