why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
