as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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