Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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