I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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