i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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