Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
