I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You are a genius and a whore.
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