Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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