I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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