Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
