This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
