he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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