HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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