Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
