So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
If I die, sorry about rent.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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