hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
