Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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